The Waiting Game

So, life can be more than a little crazy at times.  The worst part is knowing and having to accept at times, that things are out of your hands.  Partially, to have gotten to this point is definitely a good thing.  But the waiting kills me.....as I learn patience. 

I had my interview for the Co-Op at NASA Johnson Space Center today.  I turned in my application over six months ago, at this point.  I didn't think there was realistically a chance that I still had a shot.  When I got the email for an interview last weekend, I was literally crazed with happiness.  Then the worry set in.  I was worried that I might say something stupid, or not say what I meant.  I was nervous that I would not present myself well.  And the old worried returned with a vengeance.  If I didn't get this position, what would I do with my life?  Would that change what I do with my majors?  Is this program even what I want to do with my life?

By the time last night rolled around and into this morning I had managed to work myself into a nervous and nauseated mess.  I have this incredible talent of literally making myself physically ill with worry and was putting it to use with a vengeance.  I had myself convinced that I was never going to get this position, and that it would save myself the disappointment if I just told the director that I was not interested anymore.  I have never been a fan of big changes, and this one would definitely alter my life forever.  It would just be easier to run from it than suffer the pain and humiliation of rejection. 

Thankfully, I did nothing of the sort.  Shortly after finding a nice empty room at the institute, my phone rang with a call from the director of the co-op program.  The next half hour was......interesting.  I felt that as I picked up the phone, my heart calmed down.  I was still nervous, but paralyzed by fear.  It was not necessarily easy to talk to the interviewer, but I found that I was able to answer the questions in a calm and thoughtful manner.  She was polite and intrigued, and I think I presented my case for the position well.  BUT (because there is always that new wave of doubt) she did imply that it would be difficult to place me.  The majority of people that are hired for the program are engineers.  I, however, (and somewhat obviously) am not an engineer.  This would severely limit their ability to place me within the program, as I do not have the educational background or future in that aspect of their system.  But in the program they do talk about how other majors are encouraged to apply, as it takes more than engineers to make NASA run.

Overall, I think it went very positively.  There are always those small doubts and regrets of what I should have/could have said instead, but that is always the case.  I choose to be positive.  I choose to think that NASA would be lucky to have me.  But in the end, this life altering decision is no longer in my hands.  Its all down to waiting 2 weeks to hear anything back.