Like a Chicken

As my last name would imply, I have the dubious privilege of using the word "chicken" in whatever context I desire.  This fact, however, is completely irrelevant to my post. 

I know that I have always had a bit of a problem with trying to do to much and not being able to ask for help.  I like to think that I can do everything on my own.  Its not like I'm trying to be superwoman, but I like to be independent and take care of myself.  There is a bit of me that is very proud and doesn't like to admit that I can't actually do everything.  But I don't let it hinder me, for the most part, when I am in dire straits.  I think that I enjoy, in a very perverse and masochistic way, being so busy I can't think straight.  For one thing, I feel incredibly productive because I am always doing something.  I like being able to look at what I have accomplished and see the good it does, either for me or anyone else.  This tendency has also nearly been my undoing on many occasions. 

It didn't take me very long to figure out that college classes were different than high school.  Some ways were good, others were a little frustrating.  This did not deter me from plowing full steam ahead with a full class load, working 20 hrs a week and tutoring math in my spare time.  Over the course of time this load has only increased to include a calling as the president of my sorority, boyfriends from time to time, as well as volunteering in the Human Performance Lab at the U.  Most of the time, I am pretty good with effective time management.  I even let myself be lazy on occasion.  Other times, my entire world falls to pieces and it all comes crashing down together around my ears.  Right now, things are hanging in a precarious balance. 

Given a slight breakdown last night, I think I might be on the verge of a major collapse.  I might end up running around like a chicken with its head cut off (hence the title) but at least I know that it is by my own choice.  Its at times like theses that I have to seriously reflect on my choices and paths I follow.  Is this academic career something I can actually handle?  Am I crazy?  The answer is yes to both questions.  I am crazy.  Exactly crazy enough to do what I set my heart and mind on.  So even if I fall apart a couple times along the way, I get to learn how to puck myself up, take the helping hands that are offered to me and learn from my mistakes.  Its the only thing I can do.